Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
