but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He passed out mid-signature
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
