I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
