Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
