Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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