the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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