you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
