I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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