I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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