Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
