I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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