If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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