I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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