I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its liver damage thursday
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
