wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
