So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
