found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
