Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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