actually, I'm a sock model
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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