guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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