just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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