Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
