Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
