this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
