i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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