i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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