Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
