Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Randomize
