My hand turned me down
no, he came in my armpit
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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