apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
