bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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