I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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