am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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