I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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