you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
