It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
