ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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