This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
