I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
