You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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