So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
