Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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