Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
