you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
