The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
