im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
