also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My vagina is very pro this idea
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
