I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize