That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
