this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
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You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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