Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Found your dick twin last night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I will pee on everything he values.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
