I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
