THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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