Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
