He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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