He asked to "fluff my boner.."
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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