i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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