I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
