what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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