Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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