you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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