At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
