Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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