so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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