Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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