In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
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I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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