Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
