She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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