Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize